Scared...

I must say I am a little bit scared at how crazy this year is going so far. I thought maybe if I wrote it down it would go away and good things would start to happen. So here it goes.
1. Kristy returns to the family drama. Luckily this time the Detective she went to saw through her BS. I worry almost daily about my sister and wish that things were different. Nobody who has a sibling wants to get married or have a child with their sibling my there side. Luckily for me I have an amazing support system within my family and Jimmy's. But I still miss my sister and I want whats best for her. Unfortunatly I think that involves me staying as far away from her as possible and praying that one day she gets committed to a Mental Hospital and gets helped by professionals.
2. Tried as hard as my heart would allow to establish a relationship with the lady who gave birth to me. But when things got tough she decided to stay out of it and not get involved. It must be nice to choose not to be involved in the life of your children. Actually there is nothing nice about that....it is just sick. It seriously disgusts me that she won't help Kristy. I thought that maybe if I told Debbie everything about Kristy that Debbie would be able to help Kristy get help. Boy was I wrong. Debbie chose to take the easy rode once again...this was after she said and I quote "I waited this long to hear from you I can wait longer." Aiden...I'm sorry honey but your momma is going to always be there for you even when you might not want me to.
3. Finally got in to see my Doc about this 2nd baby business and to talk about some changes I have been experiencing since Aiden was born. Pap came back normal so I thought we were all good and I was being overly concerned. Then the results of the U/S came back. I know what they found is very normal in women my age and I know that I probably have nothing to worry about. But the timing couldn't be worse. I feel bad because I think I have taking Jimmy back about 7 years ago when he saw his mom get sick. But I keep telling him that this isn't the same thing. That ovarian cysts are normal in women my age and very rarely are they a bad thing. Honestly I am scared...and i don't care how normal this is. I really want to have another baby. I have always wanted 2 children. I know it is more work and I know the 2nd one might not be as even tempered as the Mr. But dammit I want 2 kids.
4. Now another crazy relative has shown her presence at a very bad time. My mom's youngest sister is on her way to my Gma's, traveling via her thumb (yeah hitchiking...I didn't even know people did that anymore). Unfortunately Tina has a rep for stealing, manipulating and a very bad drug problem. To top it off my mom, dad, aunt and uncle are all out of town. So I feel like it is my responsibility to make sure nothing bad happens to my Gma until they get back. My Gma wants me and my cousins to butt out b/c she "can" take care of herself. I hope that Tina's visit is genuine, short lived and I hope it doesn't make things worse for everyone.

At this very moment, I am letting go of the drama Kristy, Tina and Debbie have brought into my life this year. I am determined to see our luck turn and to go back to concentrating on me, Jimmy and Aiden....oh yeah and saying goodbye to my 45.

I love each of you. Thank you for supporting me and reading me rant.