vacaton

We just got home from a GREAT vacation. One that really tested me on different levels.
First-We decided at the very last minute to join Barbara and Mando up in Big Bear Fri night, Sat and Sun morning. This might not seem much to a lot of people. But for me a last minute decision to do something this big was HUGE. I had a GREAT time. I really enjoyed the weather, the company, the food and of course the drinks!!!! Makes me realize how lucky I am to have in-laws that enjoy including us on their vacatoin.
Second - One the first night in Newport I dropped my camera in the toilet. OK....as you can tell I take a million pictures everywhere we go. I love capturing memories of us for Aiden. But I dropped the damn phone in the damn toilet and instead of moping around about it. I kept my mouth shut, told Jimmy in private and moved on. I was shocked i didn't dwell on it at all. Luckily Barb and Mando were there to capture memories for me.
Third - I spent 8 days with my In-Laws and not at one point did I wish they weren't with us. I thought for sure that at some point I would of wanted our vacation to be just us. But I realized that I enjoy being around people who love us. I enjoy watching Aiden interact with everyone. I enjoy making memories with people. At one point Jimmy told me that he wanted to introduce his dad to some stranger as his best friend. I thought that was super sweet. Especially since I consider his mom one of my best friends. I just feel like I can be me with her...and that she really cares about me and Jimmy and Aiden.
Jimmy and i might not be perfect and some of our goals are probably different than most of yours. We might not own a home or drive our dream cars....But we live a life that I dreamed about as a little girl. ONe full of love and integrity. I believe in us and I bellieve in our dreams.
Jimmy on our 2nd Wedding Anniversary I want you to know that I am EXTREMELY greatful for EVERYTHING you have given me. I am so PROUD of you and PROUD to say you are my husband, my rock and my foundation. Thanks for making my dreams come true. I love you with everythign I have.

A Day of Reflection

I have realized something about myself this morning. I get so wrapped up in everybody else and my heart bleeds for things that I can't control. I want everyone to be happy all the time and I never want anybody mad...especially at me. But you know what..>i can't control everything. I can't control what people think and that is OK> All I can do is be the best person I know how to be and remember that I can only control myself and my actions and reaction. Like my Grandma told me yesterday "I am choosing to live a life I CAN LIVE with. Not a life YOU can live with."
That being said. My Grandma told me yesterday that she is choosing not to go through anymore treatment. She does not want radiation or chemo, she does not want a GI tube and she will deal with things as they happen. At first I was shocked but then I realized if I was 85 and just lost my husband and already buried one child I would probably choose the same thing. I told her that and I think it made her feel better. But even if it didn't it made me feel good knowing that I told her how I felt.
My family is my world. I love each and everyone of you and I want the best for everyone. I honestly know in my heart I would do anything for any of you. All you have to do is ask. I hope you all know how much you mean to me and how much I appreciate all you do for us.